by Lee Harrington & Mollena Williams-Haas

If you're new to the lifestyle and finding it difficult to understand the scope of options available to you, this is one of my go-to recommendations. It's great for anyone looking to explore the kink community because Lee and Mollena break down etiquette, events, and how to navigate spaces like play parties and munches with confidence (as many kinksters know - it can be a huge source of anxiety!). If you’ve ever wondered how to get started (without feeling awkward or clueless), this book is your roadmap.

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by Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy

Curious about taking on a Dominant role? Whether in the bedroom or in a broader D/s dynamic—this book is smart, sex-positive, and full of foundational knowledge about what it really means to hold power with empathy. If you’re wondering how to step into your authority while still centering consent, connection, and emotional intelligence, this one’s full of foundational knowledge. NOTE: If you're an experienced player, it may feel like things you already know but, in my books, it's a must-read for every kinkster.

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by Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy. 

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by Douglas Thomas

This book helped me understand myself better. It goes deep—literally. It explores the emotional, psychological, and even spiritual roots of kink. If you’ve ever wanted to understand the why behind your desires (or your partner’s), this is the book to pick up. It’s thoughtful, validating, and gives language to the more nuanced layers of power exchange. My copy is full of highlighters and scribbled notes. I really believe there’s something insightful, for every reader, in this book. 

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by Lucy Fairbourne

I have a lot of clients who want to explore their Dominant side, but struggle with feeling “mean,” or worse, "fake". I mention that because I don't want anyone to feel alone in the potential imposter syndrome! Yes, you can learn to be a Dom, even if it feels a little shaky at first. Lucy Fairbourne speaks directly to women who want to explore Dominance without abandoning their empathy or authenticity. It’s empowering, accessible, and a great entry point for discovering your Dominant side in a way that feels aligned with who you are. 

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by Anton Fulmen

One of the clearest, most grounded guides to Dominant energy I’ve ever read. I've included two Fulmen books on this list, because it feels like his writing speaks to me directly! This book focuses less on toys and techniques and more on the mindset, emotional presence, and internal work required to lead a power exchange dynamic with confidence and care. If you want to be a better Dom—read this. Seriously, I can't speak highly enough of it.

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by Jay Wiseman

A classic for a reason. SM101 covers the fundamentals of BDSM with safety, clarity, and compassion. It’s a bit old-school in tone, but still a fantastic resource for anyone wanting to learn the basics: bondage, discipline, safety protocols, and more. If you’re new to kink, and interested in SM specifically, this is a great book to build a solid foundation. Fun Fact: This was the first kink "self-help" book I ever bought.

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by Susan Winemaker

This book changed the course of my life - it is the reason I became a Dominatrix. Winemaker's memoir gave me a rare, behind-the-scenes look into the life as she shares her journey from chef to working in a dungeon. Her writing is witty, introspective, and refreshingly honest. So if you're curious about the real-world experiences behind the fantasy, this one delivers! And it's something I want you to read if you think this is a job you want to try.

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by Tristan Taormino

If you want a little bit of everything, this anthology is gold. It features essays from some bonfide legends in the kink community, covering everything from protocol to play to power dynamics. It’s comprehensive, inclusive, and one of the best all-around resources out there and that's why I'm confident there's something for everyone in this book. It also makes it easy to just pick it up and digest at your own pace.

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by Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt

This book is a gift—for partners, friends, or family members who want to better understand someone in their life who’s kinky. Easton and Liszt answer common questions, bust myths, and offer gentle, honest insight into what kink really is (and isn’t). I often recommend this to clients navigating disclosure or looking for ways to help loved ones understand their lifestyle. But it also offers really great language to simply explain specific kinks and the nuances within those kinks. Most kinksters I know have run into an instance where they've had to talk a vanilla partner through their preferences. This book is a great resource for kinksters who want to be reminded that our vanilla friends and family may need some simple help in understanding things.

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by Anton Fulmen

Another gem from Fulmen, but this one’s a bit more hands-on. It offers exercises, reflections, and real-world scenarios to help you embody your Dominant role with more ease and authenticity. This book offers insights into service, punishment and real life dynamics. Think of this one as practical training for the emotionally intelligent Dom.

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